transitions (1st in a brief series).

I resigned from my job the other day. It was surprisingly painful. Shockingly difficult.

And now I wonder if everyone should quit a job here and again—I am amazed by how much more appreciated I feel after I resigned.

Or is that I feel free of this place? No longer burdened by the responsibility of it? The charge to promote this thing I’m not 100% convinced of? To pretend that I feel like we do really good, thorough work? Or that I have done good, thorough work?

It’s a good place, the Association. Good people. Good ideas. Good intentions. In fact, they might be the definition of that over-used word, “good.”

But it’s not for me. It’s too hard for me to be so far away from where we work. Juneau is miles and miles and cultures and cultures away from where and how we, ideally, work. I think I want to be more local than this state-wide organization.

Local. Location. Loca.

I told my co-worker the other day that one of the hardest things about work here over the last year has been how disconnected I feel from the communities where we work. We’re about community engagement, but I’m still not sure how meaningful it is for us to travel to the Bush for 2-3 days and call it community engagement.

It was a funny conversation with my co-worker because she really likes that we go in, deliver a message, and leave. She feels like it keeps her so much cleaner than if she were to launch a community engagement effort out her own backdoor. And I hear her; it certainly is nice to visit a place, talk, and see things happen because you trained someone or reminded someone of how much they really do matter in the life of a kid.

So maybe its not so much that I prefer the messiness to Bridget’s cleanliness; but rather that I want to be in the thick of it—I want to be that person being trained, reminded.

In college, I used to think that I could do this; I could work without knowing the impact of my work. That instinct steered me from direct service into the world of community development—somehow I managed to fool myself into thinking I wasn’t doing direct service because I wasn’t feeding someone or bandaging an arm. But, really, I love getting my hands dirty organizing people into projects, efforts, organizations. I love trying to sort through people’s worldviews and ideas to create a joint effort.

It’s just a different version of direct.

proud of csb

oh!  i just received this quarter's installment of "St. Benedict's" and feel a rush of pride at the ol' alma mater.  the new (is she still new?  i guess, to me, she is) president's introductory letter is all about the importance of wrestling with controversial questions.  and she is careful to assert that st. ben's is the type of place where controversial questions must be asked. she even goes so far as to propose a few guidelines for engaging.  wow!  what a fantastic thing to read.    

i just don't feel like the former prez. would have written an article like that.

i wonder what the vibe is on campus.  or is she dreaming? oh, i hope she's reflecting reality.

its a funny thing, alma maters. why do i feel like i get a vote in how the institution runs?  i feel happy that they ask grads for our input as they go up for the accreditation.  i feel happy to read about my peers who have gotten promotions or kids or hitched.  i feel happy that i went to st. ben's.  

ah, the afterglow!

the wailin' jennys

okay, so its a little gross to admit this, but i think i have become a prototype of what pandora.com must sell to advertisers.  

after several months of enjoying this "music genome project," i realized i kept coming back to songs by the trio, "wailin' jennys."  so, in a moment of interesting weakness, i bought the entire album, "40 days" on my itunes.  it's lovely music, really.  calming and grounding.  and strong women making beautiful harmonies.  i just like them. 

it has been raining since july 4 here.  with an average temperature of 58 degrees.  i keep forgetting it's july.perhaps its the weather that makes the wailin' jennys sounds so good!

they'll be in st. cloud on the 31st and grand rapids on the 1st. 

it's greg. fishing. in the channel

i have been meaning to post this one for a while, but forgot! i was in boston at the time.  i think a particularly funny line is when rachel says "your wife will be so proud!"

me. flying a kite. on north douglas.

check it:

4th of july in juneau.

ah, the 4th of july.  i never quite know what to do with this holiday.  jump for joy? cry?  huddle in a hole? cheer at the parade?  it's just kind of a baffling holiday...a mingling of sadness and joy for all this country is/could be.

in juneau, this holiday is blown way out of proportion because it's one of two days the miner's had off back in the early white days (the other was christmas).  so the festivities started last night with $30,000 worth of fireworks and people jammed up at the pier.  and its hard not to get caught up in the excited and enthusiasm of thousands of my fellow citizens cheering. so i cheered!

and today we're going to go fishing & maybe catch the sand castle contest over on douglas island...and maybe the soapbox derby.  families hanging together, outside. that is good.

meanwhile, at the local blockbuster video store, they are collecting used dvds to send to the troops in iraq.  

happy 4th of july.